Portland the city of dreams?!

BC Day Weekend in Oregon

The anticipation had been building all week. Work seemed less important and more of an obstacle. The countdown to Oregon was on. We had Oregon fever. The only thing left between us and the excitement of the road trip ahead was several mindless hours of work. I speak on the behalf on my gorgeous wife Shannon, and not myself. I know she was working as hard as usual, but I also know that she wanted to be busted out as soon as humanly possible. I, on the other hand, had the luxury of “working from home.” Though the work I was doing at home would not be considered productive in the mind of my Director, it served a purpose. It allowed us to break free at the soonest moment. I packed the car and got everything ready so, when the time was right, I could jailbreak my darling and head straight for our destination. At 4:30 I was there waiting with the car packed full of supplies and big ol’ smile on my face. As soon as I saw Shannon walk out the side door the fist-pumps started....”Oregon, Oregon, Oregon!!”

So we were off. We both placed our orders to the Universe for an arrival time of 10:30pm. It was a bit ambitious, I admit, fully realizing that our last trip to Portland took almost 9 hours. But we did not let that deter us. We were feeling good already, and had plans to feel great! With our order placed and nothing but positive energy coursing through our veins, we were ready for an adventure. As far as adventures go, it was not so much the destination itself that made it an adventure, but rather the fact that this was our first trip as a couple where we did not have a hard time line to stick to. Shannon has a talent for planning. She has planned many great trips for us in the past, but this time we wanted to try something different. Let the universe guide us and see what interesting experiences would come as a result. We were ready for anything!

I will not bore you with the details of our drive down but I will share the highlights during our 6 hour drive. I think the best part was the sandwiches the Shannon had picked up from Big Lou’s Butcher Shop on Powell Street. BBQ pulled pork and bulgogi chicken were on the menu. We shared one in line at the Peace Portal border crossing and another at the half way point of our drive just past Seattle....it was good motivation to get there as quick as possible. Hard to pick a favourite, they were both rewardingly tasty. Aside from that it was mostly good music (Bang Bang from Will.i.am and Back to Black from Beyonce and Andre 3000 from the Great Gatsby soundtrack were the theme songs of the trip), lovely scenery, thought-provoking conversation, and traffic that was smooth, smooth, smooth! Nothing better on a road trip that making good time, a sentiment that I share with George Constanza, as seen in the Bubble-Boy episode when he loses Jerry early on in the trip to the cabin (http://www.tv.com/m/shows/seinfeld/the-bubble-boy-2287/trivia/). There was a little bit of excitement when we tried to squeeze every last drop out of our fuel tank trying to make it into Oregon where we assumed the gas was cheaper since they do not have sales tax (neither of us have any evidence this is true). We didn’t end up making it...but Shannon did manage to leave her only pair of sandals for the trip next to the car as we pulled out to complete what was left of our trip into Portland on schedule. After a lengthy discussion that spanned the rest of trip neither of us could figure out why or how that could have happened. It did make for an interesting outfit while checking into our hotel later. At the gas station she had changed into a more comfortable and stylish sun dress to look her best as we rolled into the City of Roses. However, the whole tone was affected when she realized the only foot wear she has to fashion were a pair of hiking shoes. Not the sort of first impression she was looking to make as we blew into the city.

As the clock hands made their way to the 10:30pm position we rolled up to our hotel. A short wait at the border, very little slow down outside Seattle, and only a small delay going through Tacoma. All things worked out for a perfect arrival time. We are off to a fantastic start! Then with a little “sight-seeing” aka learning how to navigate the one-way streets to get us to the destination we just missed on our first pass. But hey we are tourist after all; why not take the opportunity to explore right?! We arrived at the Crystal Ball room, mistaking it for the Crystal Hotel. Not where we wanted to be but we got our first glimpse into the party life of the city. I parked behind a Party Bus Limo fun of girls out on a Stagette. One girl was trying to rock climb the brick wall, one girl was lying on the sidewalk and several girls and the driver were trying to convince them to get back in the limo. It was 10:30; the night was still young though it appears they had already had a lot of “fun” with the promise of more to come. As tempted as I was to try and tag along, being someone who loves to have fun, I realized leaving the car parked illegally with my wife desperately trying to find out hotel would be crossing the line of spontaneous to reckless and irresponsible. Not how I wanted to start my long weekend, though the pull was strong.

After our “sightseeing” we located and checked into our room at McMenamins Crystal Ball Room (http://www.mcmenamins.com/CrystalHotel/Location) across from archaic, but deservingly popular, Jake’s Famous Crawfish (http://www.mccormickandschmicks.com/locations/portland-oregon/portland-oregon/sw12thave.aspx). We already had somewhat of an idea of what to expect, since we have visited another one of the McMenamin brother’s spots in Edgefield, and we were not disappointed. The Crystal Ballroom though significantly smaller, had the same unique flair and atmosphere that I have learned to expect at a McMenamin’s location. Being in the city the Crystal Hotel cannot offer the same amenities as in Edgefield, but the proximity to downtown allows the guests the opportunity to experience the unmatched charm the McMenamin’s locations are known for, with the added benefit of easy access to downtown Rip City. There is so much great beer flooding the street of downtown it would be a shame to spend too much time in one single location. The McMenamin’s beer, served exclusively at McMenamin’s establishments, is right up there with my top choices in Portland but you never know what that brew pub down the street has just come out with. In the words of Frank the Tank in Old School “We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And, uh, I happen to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they are probably basic white, cotton, underpants. But I sort of think, well, maybe they're silk panties, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's something really cool that I don't even know about.” As much as you love IPA’s (and Oregon is certainly the place to go if you do) do you want to risk missing out on that really cool beer that you didn’t even know about?! Not me, not ever!

The rooms at the Crystal Hotel were designed in a similar way to the rooms in Edgefield but did not fail to impress with their art work. The theme of the hotel is based upon the famous musicians that have played in the Crystal Ballroom (our first stop while trying to find the hotel). Each room has its own sub-theme based around famous song lyrics. Ours was “You keep on knocking but you can’t come in” from Little Richard. On his own I believe that Little Richard does an outstanding job exuding personality but seeing the caricature of him drawn on the wall of my hotel room made my experience that much more special. One thing worth mentioning is, because of the interesting choice of locations that the McMenamin’s use for their hotels it is not always possibly to have a bathroom within your hotel room. Though, this threw me a bit on my first visit, I soon realized it was a minor detail and did little to affect my overall opinion of my stay. If anything I think it added to my experience as it seemed to fit with the themes that make each location attractive to the guests seeking a new take on hotel travelling. So I knew what to expect when we arrived, though I was pleasantly surprised to have a private sink in our room. Nice touch!

Well, enough about the hotel. We didn’t travel all the way to spend our time cooped up in a hotel room, though I did want to give an honorable mention to the check in staff at the hotel. They were pleasantly quirky, very helpful, and a pleasure to interact with. Dealing with unfriendly hotel staff can sometimes put a damper on the trip right from the get go, but on the flip-side, awesome hotel staff heighten your expectations and get your mind in the right place to have fun.

So after getting settled in and such, it was already past 11:00pm. This does not seem late. In many places in the world 11:00 is considered the start of the night life. In Korea, bars are open all night, so if you are getting crazy at 11pm you better have endurance or you will miss the best part of the night passed out in the corner of the bar. However, in Portland, even on a Friday night, places are starting to slow down around 12. Some places stay open until 2 am but not all. Imagine our disappointment when we find out after we have been salivating over all the beer we want to sample off the menu only to find out that we missed last call…..come on! I realize that I need to love Portland for what it is and not what I think it should be, but it seems like such a shame to have so many bars and restaurants around the city close down before the fun even really starts. Vancouver is slowly changing their out of date liquor laws, so fingers crossed Portland will jump on that band wagon. So much awesome beer to drink and a limited time to do it! This is not to say that we did not get a fair chance to sample. Our first stop was Henry’s Tavern (http://henrystavern.com/). While there, we enjoyed a number of beers from their wide selection and some wings from the happy hour appetizer menu. Then we made a break for the well-know Rogue Distillery and Public House. Upon arrival we picked out two winners from the menu, one of which was said to have been brewed from wild yeast found in some dude’s beard (http://www.ratebeer.com/beer/rogue-beard-beer/208151/). As disgusting as that sounds, I was intrigued. Being a fan and a user of the beard myself, I felt compelled to be open to anything beard related strictly for the sake of solidarity in the beard population. This was our first set back, after finding out we had just missed last call we were again on the hunt for our next beer. We found another place the just up the street that looked promising….well not promising but looked like we might be able to get at least one beer before last call. Again, no luck but he did point us in the direction of another place that he recommended. It turns out this was another dead end. We did not find the place he suggested. We found one of a similar name but did not seem to fit the description he had provided. “This place is pretty popular, normally has a good crowd on the weekend” he said. The place we found was a couple regulars away from completely empty, neither the type of place described nor the type of place we were looking to populate. So with time running out we headed back to the hotel bar. It turned out to be the perfect location to save the night. A plate of truffle fries, two ruby ales, and a Strawberry Basil Lemonade later we were content to comply with last call. No more beer to be served but we had our eyes on yet another indulgence….Voodoo Donuts (http://voodoodoughnut.com/index.php).

 

Where does everyone go after a night of heavy drinking? Where does everyone who is not satisfied to call it a night at 2am go to next? Let’s just say it was not hard to find Voodoo donuts, just follow the stream of partiers. I have heard Voodoo donuts bragged about on more than a few occasions. I had heard of the crazy combinations and their scandalous bumper stickers saying “I got VD in Portland.” But I was not fully prepared for the sheer volume of flavors that they had available. When trying to decide how many to get and which flavors we wanted to try, we were in a state of panic. The line in front of us was getting increasing shorter and we were no closer to deciding our strategy. We ended up opting for a voodoo dozen picked by the worker. He told us he would pick the best ones, and he did not disappoint. I was a bit hesitant getting so many, not because I wasn’t excited to eat them all but more so out of fear that I would eat them all in a short period of time (no one wants day-olds, am I right?). But when the price is just over a dollar a donut I could not say no. How can you go wrong investing in donuts at least twice as good as Tim Horton’s at a lesser price? Well simple, you can’t! So once we were loaded up with 13 donuts it was time to head back to the hotel room to feast in bed. This is something that I would never allow in my house….never, never, never. The thought of it makes me skin crawl. But when on vacation in someone else’s bed, ain’t no stoppin’ me.

 

But we could not leave without at least sampling one each before the long (10 min lol) walk back. Well, one turned into two very quickly but no harm done. Once back in the hotel we got into our PJs, set up the tablet to watch Toy Story 3 and opened up the box of donuts for round 2. One recommendation I will provide, is to do like my wife suggested we do. Simple mathematics tells you that after a night of drinking and two donuts, you will not have much room left in your stomach to eat many more donuts, no matter how scrumptious they are. So as Shannon suggested we “sampled” all of the donuts. A bite here and a bite there and we were able to taste every donut at least once and still be able to get to sleep without a bloated feeling similar to Violet Beauregard from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. We did not see much of the movie; instead we fell into a sugar induced coma, with visions of donuts twerking and pints of beer krumping to Ludacris and Jermaine Dupri’s “Welcome to Atlanta” in our heads.